churlaloo

pseudo-relationships.

on October 3, 2008

ito napulot ko kay ate cecile. :p wala lang ulet. :p


pseudo-relationships. :)
“The “parang kayo, pero hindi” stage.
Others call it MU or mutual
understanding. Pseudo-relationships.
Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like
a relationship, but not quite. It is a
phase where the persons involved are
more than friends, but not quite
lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement,
puwedeng wala. One or both of you may
have admitted your feelings, possible
ding hindi. You just let your gestures
do the talking for you. Walang pormal
na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-
dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga
sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of “relationship” can happen
at different stages for different
reasons. It can happen after a break-
up. You still love each other, and you
want to be with each other but you
broke up for a reason. And for reasons
that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna
magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a
relationship, iyong pareho kayong
nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw
niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-
kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo
kasi isa sa inyo –usually the guy —
may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi
pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl
(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon
pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala
muna kayong relasyon para nga naman
hindi siya nangagaliwa
kasi “hindi naman kayo.”

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a
time, can be fun. Lalo na kung
naghahanap ka lang naman ng “kalaro.”
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na
may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala
talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa
ganitong setup ganoong hindi naman
sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba’t ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun
lang. Puwedeng “buti na iyan kesa
wala” or puwede na iyang “pantawid-
gutom”. Meaning, habang
wala pa iyong the real thing, doon
muna sa kunwa-
kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious
relationship, they would think that
pseudo-relationship is better than no
relationship at all. It would be fun,
if all you are after for is
that “kilig” feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time,
may mga pseudo-relationships din ako.
No commitments involved. For the
simplest reason that they couldn’t
commit, because they were either
committed to someone else, or that
they weren’t ready to commit.

My rationalization, “okay na iyun,
kesa wala.”

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig
feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung
kumusta araw ko. Iyong kapag
tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na
ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya
ang message. Iyong merong laging
kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real
thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it
was only a pseudo-relationship, the
emotions were real. And usually, in
this kind of set up, ang babae lagi
ang lugi.

Una, you can’t ask him to commit.
Since it’s not really a relationship,
you can’t demand commitment from your
partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba
magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will
always be uncertain about your role in
his life. You can’t expect him to be
always there with you. And if you feel
jealous of the other girls, you just
have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba
niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in
love with him? You can’t be sure if he
feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume
ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if
you are dying to tell him you love
him, you can’t. Because you’re not
sure if he’ll like it. Baka mapahiya
ka lang. This stage will always make
you wonder where you are in the
relationship. Or if there is a
relationship at all.

Lastly, what if you become attached
too much? What if you have invested
all your emotions and this man hasn’t?
What if you remain faithful to him,
not entertaining other guys, only to
find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-
relationships, it is fleeting. When a
disagreement sets in, or when one of
you gets cold, then that would be the
end of it. Unlike in a serious
relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan
ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-
relationship. Wala kang
pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-
relationship, there is no “us.” Meron
lang “you and me,” hindi “us.”

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang
ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh.
Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na
ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo
maiwasan umasang one day, may
karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be
miserable, hoping to bring back what
you used to have, only to find out
eventually that the guy is in another
pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this
kind of set up for fun and then you’d
end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain
eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna
isipin ang future and just enjoy the
feeling, without thinking of the
consequences.

But if you are certain that you are
going to hurt yourself in the process,
kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy
and live the moment without worrying
what would happen next. Or you can
stop settling with pseudo-
relationships and wait for the real
thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-
relationship with an unavailable guy,
a friend told me, “Sige, kung ayaw
mong magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-
iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan
kita.”

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung
magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda
mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence.
Dahil ang “parang kayo pero hindi”
stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.
Usually, hanggang doon lang siya…
almost, but not quite.”

(*** This is quoted from a friendster bulletin post Jan 28, 2007)



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